


Confusion

by ThatSinga



Series: Rowvember 2020 [4]
Category: Saints Row
Genre: Closeted, Gen, Lesbian Character, Reflection, Rowvember, Rowvember 2020, Sexual Confusion, Struggle, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27395956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatSinga/pseuds/ThatSinga
Summary: Kate is very confused and worried about her feelings as a teen.
Series: Rowvember 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995631
Kudos: 9





	Confusion

This wasn't good. That wasn't supposed to happen. Kate was panicking. Those thoughts were getting more and more common.  
It had happened again, Kate and her classmates were getting changed in the locker room after gym class. One of her favorite subjects, she loved physical activity, the exercise she got from it, the challenge it gave her, the sight of her female classmates- There it was again. She had to get out of here. She fastened her pace as she walked to the bus stop.

She had just broken up with her so called boyfriend two weeks ago, that was the third guy she had dated so far, and it ended up just like it did the other two times, without any real feelings other than a sort of friendship but adding "boy" in front of "friend" when referring to him.

The bus wasn't even there yet, what had been the point of hurrying when she had to wait anyway? It only gave her more time to think. She knew she should be dating guys and have boyfriends and make a family and have kids, at least that's what the church and her parents kept telling her, but how, when she never had any real feelings for the person she was with? The only reason she tried to have boyfriends was because it was expected of her, it didn't feel natural at all, and she hated that.

As if that wasn't bad enough already, now she started feeling funny when watching her female friends do stretches or seeing them in the locker room. If her parents ever found out she had such sinful thoughts, they'd be so disappointed. But those were just thoughts right? As long as she wouldn't act on them, it couldn't be that bad, could it? No, she knew it was wrong, at least she thought it was, that's what everyone said, boys should be with girls and girls should be with boys.

The bus finally arrived. Maybe it was just a phase, the devil tempting her or something along those lines. A test of sorts. Rubbish, she may have been religious, but she wasn't superstitious. Regardless, her parents could not find out about this, but how would she explain why she wasn't with a boy either? She was almost 16 at that point, she was expected to bring boys home for dinner and hang up posters of actors and boy bands, but she didn't do, or want to do any of that. Maybe if she just said she felt nothing for any sex, that wouldn't be as bad as having an attraction towards the same sex, right? She spent the rest of the bus ride trying to convince herself that she was probably just asexual, and thinking about how she couldn't live up to her parents' expectations.

Once she got home, she unlocked the door and made her way past the living room where Richard, her father, was reading the newspaper. He peered over the paper as she entered the house, "Ah, good to see you back, Katharina. How was school?" he asked her in his friendly tone, "It was alright," she lied, "I'm a bit exhausted from PE, so I will take a shower and lay down for a bit," she told him before she made her way up the stairs to her room. She didn't want to lie to her father, he had always told her that honesty is what would get one the furthest in life. Little did she know at that time, that him and his wife, Maria, were keeping a huge secret of their own. They usually weren't around much for most of her childhood, so she was happy to see them whenever they were home, but at that time she needed to be alone with her thoughts and figure out her feelings.

She put her backpack into her room and went into the bathroom where she got undressed and entered the shower. The cold water hitting her scalp and running down her skin helped her whenever she was confused or troubled. What she didn't like was her long blonde hair sticking to her back when it was wet, in fact she hated having long hair, it felt weird and was a pain in the ass to dry and maintain.

Once she was done, she turned the water off, left the shower, and wrapped a towel around her body with which she dried herself before using the blow dryer to finish her hair. After about ten to fifteen minutes she was done drying, got dressed, and cleaned up behind her. She got back into her room where she slumped onto her bed. Her mother came up to her room once to ask if she was hungry, but she lied again and said that she wasn't, she just wanted to be on her own to make heads and tails of that situation. For once the shower didn't help her clear her mind, and she could only hope she would be able to figure this out sooner or later.


End file.
